Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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