First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
