The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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