Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
