right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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