Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
