I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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