i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
