lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
NoShamevember. You game?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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