I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I showed him my bush... on skype.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
