I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
zippers are such a cool invention
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
