Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
