Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wow bdsm is so cute
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
