Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
