woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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