Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
