Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
