My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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