How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
