If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
