I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
