is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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