There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
