I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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