they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
