she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
