you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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