im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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