we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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