screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
