Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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