He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
