I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
