Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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