If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
