My nipple is on Facebook.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
