I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
