The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
