Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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