If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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