I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
