OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
