I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
