I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
