Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
