tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
