Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
