The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
