FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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