opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
