Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
