As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
