my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
